Feeling Safe in An Unsafe World: Three Ways to Create Your Own Safety Bubble

Episode 53 Welcome To Your Life Podcast! Feeling Safe in An Unsafe World: Three Ways to Create Your Own Safety Bubble

     For the longest time, I abdicated my safety to others, my parents, employers, husbands, family members, and even in a way, to my children.  Being their mom gave me purpose and anchored me to the world.  I needed this because my own childhood had given me a rocky start in life.  My favorite memory of my father was the day he picked me up from school to walk me home.  I was eight.  I still remember how happy and safe I felt holding his hand walking down the Cleveland streets on that bright sunny day. Unfortunately, he left us shortly after that, and I only saw him sporadically until I was 24 years old. 

     His departure left me feeling abandoned, and I buried those feelings and how they made me feel for an awfully long time.   If you carry any unhealed feelings due to trauma, abandonment, heartbreak, grief, or disappointment.  It can be challenging to feel safe in the world.  The incident or incidents you suffered might have cracked or completely crumbled your foundation.  And left you feeling untethered and alone.  Sometimes, you might get the feeling that you are just going to float away.

     You might feel like I did for many years, that you have no real control over your life.  If you think like this, victim thinking can creep into your mind and set up shop and become the lens by which you see the world.  You may find comfort in living like a victim in the world. I know from personal experience that this is an unhealthy way to think and live.  This type of thinking is not meant to empower you but to keep you stuck.   It dramatically diminishes your ability to heal and make real changes in your life. 

If you are tired of depending on the kindness of others if you want to feel safe in a world that is anything but safe most of the time, especially for women and people of color.  You must put your healing first and begin the healing process. I want to share with you three ways to start and create your own safety bubble.

Three Ways to Create Safety

Heal

     Ultimately our safety comes from within; regardless of what happened to us, we cannot look to others to make us feel whole and safe.  It is not fair to them, and no matter how hard they try as a human they will fail us.  Creating your own safety net requires that you deal once and for all with what ails you.  Being open, honest, and compassionate with yourself and realizing that healing is an ongoing process that will probably take longer than you imagine, so be patient.  Get some help, do not try to do this alone.  A coach, a therapist, or a support group will be loving company on your healing journey.

Belief in Something Greater:

When my son wanted to make peace with his anger, he turned to Buddhism.  As a Christian, when I feel so out of sorts and need a steady hand, I hold on to Jesus.  Whoever your higher power is, take this time to study and become intimate partners during your healing process. “The mind is an incredibly powerful tool. It can be used for good but also go to waste when neglected or abused. In times of trouble, we tend to move away from positivity. We go from a state of abundance to a state of lack. But faith is the tool that helps replenish abundance in the heart and the spirit, not just in the mind.”   There will be a time when your human strength and determination are not enough to keep you going, and this is where your higher power steps in and take up the slack. 

Create Your Village

     You will find that in most of my writings, I harp on this powerful yet underestimated tool.  We are so hellbent on doing things on our own that we forget the power of being part of a tribe of like-minded individuals.  “Our priorities become distorted and unclear as we attempt to meet so many conflicting needs at once.” Your tribe will help you to stay balanced and focused, so that you can reach your goals that much faster. So, if you cannot find a village, create one; if you need help, reach out to me, I am just an email away. 

    Your healing journey will be whatever you make it, it is not for the faint of heart, and there will be times when quitting seems like the best and easiest option.  But, if you want to create a safe, beautiful, mindful life that you live with purpose, intention, and joy, it is worth every struggle you will encounter, and remember, you are not alone.

With Peace and Love,

Renee

So nice to meet you, I am a Certified Coach and yoga teacher, host of the award-winning Welcome to Your Life Podcast,  and the founder of the Courageous Woman’s Book Club. Thank you so much for checking out today’s post.

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Episode 51 Yes! You Can Find Love After 50: A Conversation with Internationally Recognized Dating Coach Lisa Copeland

On today’s show, we have Lisa Copeland. Lisa is a best-selling Author, Speaker, Love Coach, and Dating Expert.  She is a leading, internationally recognized expert and dating coach for women over 50. She is the author of The Winning Dating Formula For Women Over 50 and is a regular contributor to The Huffington Post/50, The Huffington Post Women, The Examiner, and Tribune News Services newspapers. Her website, http://www.FindAQualityMan.com was named one of the Top 5 Online Dating Services by The Examiner and one of the 10 Best Senior Dating Blogs by DatingAdvice.com.

On today’s show, you will learn:  

That it is not too late to find the man of your dreams.  

The art of flirting.  How to improve your confidence so you attract a quality man.  

Lisa’s Website: Find A Quality Man https://www.findaqualityman.com

Download Lisa’s Free eBook: 5 Little Known Secrets For Finding A Quality Man

Apply for a Complimentary Session with Lisa: https://www.findaqualityman.com/session-request

Enjoy this episode and share it with a friend!

With Peace and Love, Renee —

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Are You in a Toxic Relationship? It is Time to Get Out

Listen to Episode 50 of the Welcome to Your Life! Midlife Made Easier Podcast: Are you in a toxic relationship? It is time to get out

Toxic relationships are not found only in personal relationships.  Toxic relationships can plague your personal life, friendships, and work.  A toxic relationship is defined as “ a toxic relationship is a relationship characterized by behaviors on the part of the toxic partner that are emotionally and,  not infrequently, physically damaging to their partner.” 

Personally, you may long to be in a relationship, but not all relationships are created equal. Some relationships cause more grief than they are worth. While being alone can be disappointing, it can be preferable to being in a toxic relationship.

Whether you are examining your professional or private life, ask yourself if the relationship enhances your life or makes it more challenging. Why?  Because you deserve the absolute best!

Toxic relationships can be challenging and hard to leave, especially in midlife.  You might be hoping that something will change, and you will not have to give up your paycheck or the person you love.  Regardless of how much pain this toxic relationship is causing you, losing your source of income or facing the world alone, even temporarily, can be frightening.

Today we will talk primarily about the signs of toxicity in your personal life, but I want to touch on how working in a toxic climate will affect you and give you steps to help you navigate a positive outcome for you.  We spend so much of our waking time working, and toxic relationships will destroy our productivity and our ability to collaborate with others.

 Signs that your workplace may be toxic:

“The Workplace Bullying Institute indicates that 19 percent of workers report they have been bullied at work. And 72 percent of the workforce are aware of it happening.”

Your workplace may be toxic if you dread going into work and you feel emotionally and physically drained by the end of the day.

Your productivity is suffering, and you are running out of sick and vacation days. 

There is a constant level of disrespect and lack of communication.

 You feel like there is a lack of support, and you are unsure if you can trust anyone, so you keep how you think to yourself.

Physical symptoms have emerged, such as sleepiness, anxiety, or stress-eating.

The atmosphere is so hostile that you feel unsafe.

Signs that you may be in a toxic personal relationship:

A consistent lack of trust. It does not matter whether you do not trust the other person, or they do not charge you. Relationships are incredibly draining when there is a pervasive lack of trust. There is never any peace.

You are forced to compromise your values regularly. When you are put in the position to live outside of the tenets you consider to be most important, your self-respect suffers.

Your partner is not supportive of your success. They say you find out who your real friends are during times of distress, but the same can be said of periods of success. It is not uncommon for friends and family to be unsupportive when you are doing well. The last thing you want is a partner that displays this type of behavior.

Dismissiveness. Is either of you dismissive toward the other? Your interests and projects should be respected. This works both ways. If you are dismissive of your partner, your relationship could be better.

Your partner is unreliable. If you cannot count on your partner, your life is more stressful than it needs to be, and your relationship is harming you.

Going somewhere else after work is more relaxing than going home. What is worse than spending a stressful day at work and deciding instead to go sit in a coffee shop alone than go home to your partner? It is nice to have a home that is an oasis from your everyday stressors.

A lack of affection. There is a lack of closeness when love wanes. Ask yourself why you no longer want to touch each other.

You resist confiding in your partner. When you have something sensitive to discuss, it would be nice to rely on your partner. If you find yourself hesitant to share, it could be a sign that your relationship is not healthy. Ideally, your partner is also your best friend.

The relationship is harmful to any children involved. Relationships should enhance the lives of the children. If your children are frightened or discouraged, these are warning signs.

You feel unsafe with your partner. No relationship is worth risking your safety. Make your health and well-being a priority in your life.

You can think of other people with whom you would rather be in a relationship. Do you find yourself wishing you could be in a relationship with a friend or coworker instead of with your current partner? Something is wrong if you imagine yourself with someone else.

I hope that you are not experiencing any of these symptoms and that your relationships are healthy, supportive, and a source of inspiration to you.

If you believe your relationships are toxic, do not be afraid to take the time to investigate further.  For both unhealthy personal and professional relationships

  • Be willing to seek professional help.
  • Start keeping a log of events, document emails, voicemails, and interactions with individuals.  This is especially important at work if you need to file a claim with the EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission).
  • Work on building or rebuilding your self-esteem and self-confidence.
  • Start activity to help you relieve the stress
  • You do not have to stay plan your exit strategy
  • Create your village, find supportive friends or coworkers who will be there to comfort and support you.

I hope that you are not experiencing any of these symptoms and that your relationships are healthy, supportive, and a source of inspiration to you. But, if they are not, it is time to step out of denial and save yourself.  A healthy relationship makes it easier to be at your best and pursue the dreams and goals that make you happy.

With Peace and Love,

Renee

I Leave the Past in the Past and Focus on the Future

Listen to Episode 47 of the Welcome to Your Life! Midlife Made Easier Podcast: I Leave the Past In The Past and Focus on the Future

I can stay focused on the present and the future. My ability to avoid dwelling on the past is increasing. I understand that thinking about the past has negative consequences.

There is nothing left for me in the past. I am glad that I learned from my past mistakes and successes. That is the best thing about the past – the lessons it provides. I take those lessons and apply them to my present. Focusing on the past, though, leads to regret.

I choose to look forward. I spend five minutes each day to imagine the future I wish to experience. I know that a compelling future is the best way to stay motivated and positive.

I work hard in the present to create my future. I can only interact with time in the present moment. I make the most of each moment and look forward to enjoying the future even more.

DOWNLOAD YOU COPY OF THIS WEEK’S AFFIRMATION HERE

I can let go of the past. Time spent on past regrets and mistakes lessens my ability to manage my life and generate success. I have more significant potential for happiness when I leave the past behind. I forgive those that have wronged me. I forgive myself for my past mistakes.

Today, I keep my attention on the present and the future. I am permanently leaving the past in my rearview mirror. I leave the past in the past and focus on the future.

Self-Reflection Questions:

  1. What is one mini goal I can focus on and accomplish this week?
  2. How can I enhance my ability to avoid focusing on the past?
  3. What are my goals for the future?
  4. What type of life do I dream of living?
  5. How will I feel when I accomplish this goal?

Eliminating Dead Weight as 2020 Ends

When I start to work with a new client, one of the first things I like for them to identify is their support system. When you try to do something that you have never done before, you do not need to be pulled away from your focus by family and friends who do not support your vision for your life. When you change everything in your life has to change, the more you align your life with your goals the greater your chances of success. 

That is not to say that they have to agree with you completely, but they should refrain from throwing water on your dreams by reminding you of all the times you didn’t quite hit the mark in the past. Sometimes, they might think they are helpful with comments like:

  • “You can lose the weight on your own.”
  • “Are you even trying? Try harder.”
  • “Just eat less and workout more.”
  • “Shouldn’t you be thinking of retiring instead of starting a new career?”.
  • “People your age don’t run marathons.”
  • “Is the pain that bad or is it in your head.”
  • “Your time has passed; it’s time to let the younger folks have a turn.”

These are just a few of my clients’ comments, and I have heard when we confided to our closest confidants about our plans to make changes in our lives. When they recall the comments, many clients break down in tears.

Whether it is losing weight, starting a new career path, or pursuing your purpose, and maybe your new career path is your purpose. You must create a support system that supports you unconditionally, holds you accountable when you don’t believe you can do it, and loves you no matter how many times you must start over.

Anyone who does not fall in step with your plans is dead weight, and you should eliminate them immediately. You do not have to cut them out of your life entirely if you do not want too, just do not let them into your inner circle.

Make a list of three people you can count on to support your journey towards a new you.

With Love and Peace,

Renee

Download Now! The Ultimate Guide: Beating the Midlife Slump! 10 Strategies to Help You Boost Your Self Confidence, Self-Love, and Self-Care

Kamala is Calling-Will You Answer?

Listen to Episode 46 of the Welcome to Your Life! Midlife Made Easier Podcast: Kamala is Calling! Will You Answer

Like so many Americans, I found myself shouting and celebrating the election of Joe Biden as our new President-elect and Kamala Harris as our Vice President-elect. After the most intense election cycle I have ever experienced, I was glad to see it come to an end.  

As each news outlet proclaimed the dynamic duo the winner, I watched interview after interview, parents of young children and young college students extolled what this historic election meant to them.

 While I am ecstatic that my grandchildren will see someone who looks like them in the White House.  I found myself thinking about what it would mean to have a woman in mid-life become the most powerful woman in our country, in the world.  And I got even more excited. Not only did she shatter the glass ceiling, but she crushed all our excuses.

Too often in my coaching practice, I meet women in midlife who have given up on themselves and their dreams.  They genuinely believe that the life they have is all they are entitled to; that simply is not the truth.

Kamala’s election proves to us that we can continue to dream and fight for ourselves after fifty.  We still have a future.  But many of us are so committed to living in our past that we end up living our lives backward.  That must end.

I believe her election is a wake-up call for all us midlife women to reawaken to the possibility of creating the life we want.  Will you answer the call?  It is time to dust off those dreams and recalibrate them; they will be the foundation for your new future.

I must be honest with you, I had to check myself.  I have found myself crossing off goals this year and labeling them as impossible to achieve.  Mentally, I was drained and unresponsive.  But this election result has re-ignited a fire in me, and I hope it does the same for you.

The world may have written off as obsolete, what they do not realize is that we are the classic models that never go out of style. 

There is someone out there waiting for you to become the woman you were called to be; there are souls tied to our dreams; we may never meet them, but they will find us, and as our life changes, we will give them the power to change theirs.  Look at Kamala; she did what no one in this country believed was possible. Let her be your beacon until you are strong enough to become your own.

You have the power to create the life you want to live. Our families, our communities, the world, is looking to us to be the light on the hill.   I believe in you; I believe in us! It is time you stop focusing on your losses and start celebrating your wins. Kamala is calling, will you answer?

With Love and Peace,

Renee

Join the private Welcome To Your Life Midlife Made Easier Facebook group, a curated community exclusively for fun-loving midlife women. Learn from and connect with other midlife women this is your village a safe place to learn new skills, vent your concerns and celebrate your wins.  Click here to join (note: you must answer the questions to be considered).

A Special Opportunity

Hey guys, I have a special opportunity for 10 midlife women, who want to lose 10 pounds, reduce sugar cravings, and increase their energy in the next 30 days. If that sounds like you, shoot me an email at info@reneereid.net and I will send you the deets. It’s that simple. See you on the inside.

With Love and Peace,

Renee

Healthcare Mistake #3 Eating Like a 25-Year-Old

Monitor your eating habits. Stop eating like a 25-year-old. While the milkshakes, burgers, and fries may not have wreaked havoc on our wellness journey when we were younger, a fast-food diet can derail the progress we have made.  As we get older, our metabolism changes and our bodies no longer burn calories as quickly as it did when we were younger.  Stop eating late at night. Eating and drinking late at night could cause reflux, weight gain, and interfere with our ability to get a good night’s sleep.

Once you hit 40, it may be a good idea to meet with a nutritionist or health coach to assist you with mapping out a new way of eating that allows you to lose weight, energize your day, and stave off disease.  Also, watch your snacks. “Eating snacks between meals can help to keep your appetite at bay and your energy up throughout the day. The key to snacking is to choose items that will boost your health rather than cause harm.”    To boost your metabolism, get plenty of sleep, move your body, and add weight training to your workout plan.  Changing your eating habits can be difficult, but you can do it. 

With Peace and Love,

Renee

Work with me!  Apply Here This program is for midlife women between the ages of 45-60 whose lives have been frozen due to trauma, guilt, emotional neglect, disappointments, unforgiveness, or harsh breakups.  Each week we will dive into a lesson from my upcoming course, A Mindful and Graceful Life. If you are looking to live a mindful and graceful life if you feel that it’s time to lose weight naturally, reduce your stress, increase your joy, and begin the journey of making peace with your mind and body this is the program for you. This individual program is by invitation only,  if you are ready to up-level your life and heal, Apply here. 

Download Now!  Beating the Midlife Slump! 10 Strategies to Help You Boost Your Self Confidence, Self-Love, and Self-Care

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Embrace Imperfection and Enjoy Your Life

Listen to Episode 44 Welcome To Your Life! Midlife Made Easier Podcast -Embrace Imperfection and Enjoy Your Life

Midlife can be hard on our self-confidence and self-esteem.  If you have any contact with social media, you will have noticed how everyone is striving to be perfect. Suddenly you cannot post a selfie without at least one filter or go out for dinner without showing your curated plate of food. Even your dog must look perfect.

It is easy to get stuck in comparison mode, and if we are not careful, we will lose our joy.

What if you just decided to take a step away from all the competition? Leave all that clamoring for likes and hearts to others? What if you chose merely to enjoy your life without sharing it with the world?  Here are four ways to reclaim your life and reenergize your joy.  

  • Stop judging

You can decide right now to stop analyzing other people, looking for what is wrong with their face or their body or their life choices. Refocus your mindset so that you stop seeing differences as flaws, but as ways that make each of us unique.

Let go of the urge to criticize others, and you will notice that your negative self-talk will begin to diminish.

  • Accept your imperfection

Wanting to be the best version of you is not the same as being a perfectionist. A perfectionist is never happy with who they are, how they look, or how they are doing.  There was a time when I would not post a video unless I was in full make-up.  I can laugh now, but it seriously hampered how I was able to connect with you guys.  I realize now that being my best means I work hard, and I do not give up.  Stop blaming yourself when things are not perfect, learn from the setbacks and failures and recalibrate, and never take failure personally.

  • Relax and enjoy the process

Do you ponder every detail of your plan until you get nothing done?   My coach is always telling me that “done is better than perfect”.  Trying to wait to do something fantastic in your life until everything is perfect will only put your life and dreams on hold.   When you embrace imperfection as a natural part of life, it frees you up to enjoy the ride.

Obstacles become challenges that make life more enjoyable. You can slow down and notice all the good things there are in your life.

  • Adopt imperfection as a way of life

Once you make peace with imperfection, you can be a lot more objective about your life. Your perspective changes, and what once seemed overwhelmingly important suddenly does not matter so much. All our experiences become just another aspect of a life lived richly. These experiences, no matter how jacked up, will help you to create the person who is continually evolving.

Imperfection stops being something to avoid at all costs. Think about it like this: perfection implies stasis, something you achieve and have to tend. It is fragile and vulnerable. It puts an end to growth. And then what? You do not want to stop learning and growing and developing, do you? Embracing imperfection means there is always an opportunity to learn and grow and become a better person.

Say it with me, from today forward I will enjoy my imperfect self.

With love and peace,

Renee

Start enjoying your life: Download Now!  Beating the Midlife Slump! 10 Strategies to Help You Boost Your Self Confidence, Self-Love, and Self-Care

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How Can I Help My Family Members Understand My Mental Illness?

Note:  Today’s blog has a new format; I will be answering a question from one of readers.  If you have a question you would like to ask about health and wellness, relationships, or life, please email me at info@reneereid.net, and your question could be featured on a future podcast.

Today’s question is from Brandiss, she writes, I am 50 years old and was diagnosed with depression about six years ago.  I am married and have two teenaged daughters, I have been trying to explain my diagnosis to my family, but they don’t seem to understand what I am going through. Now that we are all stuck home together, I thought this would be a good time for us to have an honest conversation.  How should I start?

Brandiss, thank you so much for your question; I know that the pandemic, social isolation, and sheltering in place has been a trigger for many of us suffering from a mental health disorder.  I am so grateful to be out of bed today.  As a Mental Health Practitioner, I worked with families to help them to understand their loved one’s diagnosis so that they can be a natural support for them once our services ended.  Sometimes, it worked.  Sometimes it didn’t.  

I know we have made a lot of progress, but there is still a stigma attached to a mental health diagnosis.  I applaud you and anyone who has the courage not only to face their diagnosis but also to share it with their families so that they can begin to understand and provide valuable help when it is needed.   I have four tips that I think will work well for you and anyone dealing with a chronic illness.  Your mental illness is probably not going to go away but can be managed successfully.  These four steps should get the conversation started.

  1. Education:  Don’t skip this step; it would help if family members had a bird’s eye view of exactly what symptoms and causes of your mental health diagnosis.  They don’t need a dissertation; you can simply give them a pamphlet, article, or book.  You can provide the information and then give them time to digest it and ask you questions.  Check out this TEDx talk by Dr. Lloyd  Sederer entitled When Mental Illness Enters a Family.  You and your family can watch Dr. Sederer’s talk together.
  2. Be Clear on What You Need:  This is not the time to have family members guessing on how to help you, guesswork will just increase the stress for both you and your loved one.  So, tell them, when I feel this way__________, I need you too___________.   Remember that you and your family members are dealing with something that even the medical community doesn’t fully understand.    For example, when I am having an anxiety attack, I need you to remind me of one of my coping strategies, whether that’s journaling, walking, listening to a meditation recording, or yelling into a pillow.  Knowing what to do will empower your family members.
  3. Explain your triggers:  If you have worked with a mental health practitioner, then you’ve heard of triggers.  Discuss yours with your family so that they can be aware that a person, place, thing, or event can trigger an episode for you.   About three years ago, I was working with a client who was diagnosed with OCD.  We sat down with her kids and explained to them that leaving the shoes and bookbags at the front door when they came home from school was a trigger for mom.  Instead, we asked them to take all their belongings to their room.  Because when they dropped them at the door, this triggered mom to want to clean for two or three hours instead of cooking dinner.  If possible, schedule a meeting with you and your family and your therapist.  They can provide real support for you as you try to explain to your family how they can help.
  4. Guard your feelings: sometimes, family members and friends can be very supportive and loving, and sometimes they will just not understand.  You do not have to argue with them or try to convince them that what you are feeling is real.   Remember that Supportive Loved Ones Come in All Shapes and Sizes, if you cannot find natural support from your family and friends, look for it in the form of professional assistance from a therapist, case manager, or coach.  Search for online support groups or start your own.  While you want family members to be there for you, give yourself permission to focus on getting well.

If you are trying to provide support for someone who has been diagnosed with a mental illness check out Nami the National Alliance ON Mental Illness -they have an excellent program called Family to Family that is designed to help family members have a better understanding about mental illness and how they can be supportive. I took this program way back in 2010 and it was a great resource.

Wishing You Peace and Love,

Renee

Download The Ultimate Midlife Guide:  Beating The Midlife Slump-10 Strategies To Help You Boost Self-Confidence, Self-Love, and Self-Care

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